How to Message and Win Every Time – With NLP (Neurolinguistic Programing)
We all want to be more persuasive. Because our success in life depends on our persuasion skills. The job we get, the girl we marry and our income all depend on how persuasive we are.
Yet, it seems as if we humans are inherently bad at being persuasive. Why are we so often bad at communicating when it matters most?
It’s as if our brain’s defense mechanisms work against our ability to communicate persuasively and win.
And this is exactly what is happening…
If I am hiking and I see a bear, I may experience fear and all the physical reactions to the “danger.” Having our ideas challenged, is like our ego seeing a bear – we may feel discomfort and the physical reactions to the perceived “danger”.
Because your brain doesn’t know the difference between your physical, mental and emotional self – it reacts to all conflict the same.
Everything gets filtered, sorted, and organized by your library of values and past experiences. If something doesn’t seem familiar – your defense mechanisms start up to protect you.
Your palms may sweat. Your heart rate may increase.
Your primal brain is getting ready for fight or flight.
This means our knee-jerk reaction is to become defensive. To protect the ego, we believe those who disagree with us are wrong, and probably not as smart as we are.
When you feel attacked, you attack back.
Then everyone goes on the defensive. It’s you or them… and it’s not going to be YOU… as if winning means someone must lose.
Notice how this frames every argument as having an opponent – with the goal to “prove them wrong.”
Most sales trainings also teach their students to “overcome objections.” The very phrase assumes you are in conflict. This puts the salesperson in the “me” mindset, instead of the more helpful “we” mindset.
Top persuaders genuinely want to serve others and want everyone to win. They get themselves in the right mindset before the conversation by thinking about how they fill a valuable need with their product or service. Because if you are happy you are more likely to buy now!
How does this framing change your mindset?
Can you imagine a more relaxed and effective approach where you both win?
It’s much better to be Calm… Connecting and Charming…
Because you are there to give the gift of a new idea, a new perspective, and a bigger win for them.
Gerry Spence’s fantastic book – “How to Argue and Win Every Time” reframes “Winning” as “Getting what we want by helping others get what they want.”
Instead of proving your perceived enemy wrong, or talking them out of “objections,” your real goal is to give them something they want… so they work with you.
We call this, The Agreement Frame.
And this is often challenging because you’ll have to leave your ego behind. You won’t make more friends or influence more people by displaying “moral superiority,” or by “having more knowledge and facts…”
You win by giving valuable insight to others “they can feel good about.”
So how do you become skilled at “Giving what someone wants” in a persuasive argument to win their heart and mind to your side of things?
Here’s a tip from Top Persuaders – How You Present Yourself (and your ideas) is More Important than What You Choose to Present.
Master Persuaders are good at convincing you to think, “What I have is what you want.”
You begin by identifying what others want. Not by changing what others want…
You may wonder, “How do I know if someone wants what I have?
NLP can give you ways to instantly recognize thought patterns, so you ask the right questions and learn their core values.
So, let’s get started!
How can you become more persuasive today?
Start with these three ways to develop truly Irresistible Presentation Skills:
- Learn more about NLP to Better Understand How the Brain Works
- See Excellent Examples of How the Best Frame, Position and Message in a More Positive, Present and Personal Way
- UPLEVEL Your Messaging with Magical Words, Powerful Questions, and Rhythmic Phrases
This is How the BEST can get the YES 99% of the time!
And we can show you how to Hear Yes More Often – At Our next UPLEVEL Masterclass. Because your success in life comes from your ability to persuade!
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Cory and Joni Molloy